Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
