i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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