There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
