She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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