She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
