and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
