Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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