um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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