i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
