If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
