fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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