Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
