I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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