operation harelip BJ is a go
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
