Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your penis caused this!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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