All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
