i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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