We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
