I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
