You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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