I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This baby is an asshole
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
