You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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