Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
