Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
