At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
