I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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