You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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