Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
