Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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