all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
