I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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