i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
