"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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