Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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