please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
