You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Panties = found
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
