I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
