idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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