at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
