I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
