i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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