Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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