wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
