He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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