making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
