We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
