RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
