Umm I'm too high to move.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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