"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
