:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
