it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
