So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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