lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
