Small penises have feelings too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
