apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everyone says I win the strip club
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sobbing to NWA
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
