Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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